Waiting Children

I receive the following emails through an adoption list serv.  I do not have personal experience with the agencies or facilitators.  Please practice due diligence and research the postings.
___________


Samson
WACAP (www.wacap.org) a non-profit adoption agency is seeking an adoptive family for these child from Asia. We are very surprised his family hasn't been found yet. Please contact ckids@wacap.org. Please ask about applying for private grants/loans and any possible waivers.

Child's Name: Samson Gender: Boy Date of Birth: Sep 2009
Continent: Asia ID: Samson SP.SSK.0909.32533. This child is a part of the special focus program.

Samson is a sweet little boy with chubby little legs who likes to be held and comforted. When he gets upset, his nannies will hold him and pat him gently on his back. He likes to play patty cake. He is able to walk on his own. They say that he is not a picky eater and will eat everything. Samson has a bilateral cleft lip and palate. The nannies feed him using a spoon. He can also pick up food and feed himself a little bit. So far, he mostly babbles and doesn't know how to say any words yet. We tried to see if he would scribble when holding a pen, but he didn't cooperate and may not be able to do that yet. His caregivers also say that he doesn't take off or put on his own clothes yet. The nannies say that they feel that compared to the other children his age, he is probably about 6 months or so behind in what he is doing, but they feel that if they could pay more attention to him that he would be able to catch up and would have more normal development. The volunteer doctor at the orphanage also noted that he has a slight pigeon breast (pectus carinatum).
Samson needs a family to give him the nutrition and attention that he needs to reach his full potential.Samson SP.SSK.0909.32533.01 
Contact Ckids@wacap.org 


Peter
Greetings from WACAP (www.wacap.org) a non-profit adoption agency. Feel free to contact us at Ckids@wacap.org with any questions about Peter 3+ yrs from Asia in need of a family - there is no fee to receive his file! 
Child's Name: Peter leg difference Gender: Boy Date of Birth: May 2008 Continent: Asia ID: Peter SP.FPZ.0508.32445.0 This child is part of the Special Focus Program.

Peter is an active little boy who will let nothing stop him – least of all his limb differences. He was born with one shortened leg and has a small kneecap and a bump near his knee on his other leg. He is able to crawl incredibly fast. Peter is also very afraid of strangers and didn't want to show off when he knew that we were watching him. When he saw the strangers in the room, he began to cry and held tightly to his nanny. She tried to get him to stand or crawl for us, but he was too shy and didn't want to be put down. Later, we did see him scoot quickly across his playroom when he thought that no one was looking. He's also able to walk by holding onto furniture. He had just turned three years old on the day we saw him. He has all of his baby teeth. His caregivers say that he talks well in full sentences and he also likes to sing and put on a show. He's a good eater and sleeper. We observed him playing happily with other children in a play room upstairs, but when he saw us, he stopped playing and began to cry a little bit. A volunteer doctor who visited the orphanage noted that his right leg is much shorter than his left and he seems also to have a hip problem on that same side – possibly an underdeveloped joint. The doctor also noted that he seems to have an underdeveloped kneecap in his left leg and a bony knob as well. Peter is an adorable, but shy little boy whose biggest need is a family of his own.This child is listed with WACAP through a special partnership project with his orphanage. At this time, his file is not eligible to be transferred to a different agency.There is a $4,200 Promise Child grant for eligible families for this adoption. Please contact a waiting child case manager at ckids@wacap.org for more information.


Francesca
WACAP (www.wacap.org) a non-profit adoption agency is looking for an adoptive parent(s) for Francesca. Feel free to contact us atCkids@wacap.org with any questions about Francesca 11+ yrs from Asia in need of a family - there is no fee to receive his file! 
Child's Name: Francesca SB post op gait difference Gender: Girl Date of Birth: May 2000 Continent: Asia ID: Francesca SP.FA.0500.323 

Francesca is cheerful girl who is described as very smart by her nannies. She attends school at the orphanage in a special education class because she has an abnormal gait and they say that they can't send her to a regular school. She was born with spina bifida and received surgery for it in 2006. She has been living in the orphanage since 2000. She is able to play the piano and played Edelweiss for us and while she played, the toddlers in the room danced to her music. She likes to do arts and crafts in the school. She also enjoys helping the nannies with chores for the baby room. She has an unusual gait when walking, swaying quite a bit from side to side. Her nannies say that she always smiles and is very patient and polite. There is a $4,200 Promise Child grant for eligible families for this adoption. Please contact a waiting child case manager at ckids@wacap.org for more information and to ask for waivers.


Danny
WACAP (www.wacap.org) a non-profit adoption agency is seeking an adoptive family for this child from Asia. We are surprised we haven't found him a family yet. Please contact ckids@wacap.org. Please ask about applying for private grants/loans and any possible waivers.

Child's Name: Danny Missing rib, eczema Gender: Boy
Date of Birth: Sep 2010 Continent: Asia ID: Danny SP.ZDJ.0910.32568.01 This child is a part of the Special Focus Program.

Danny is a cute little chubby baby boy. He is very outgoing and charms everyone around him. He was very busy, curious, and active. His nannies adore him. Danny is diagnosed with a missing abdomen muscle and missing rib.The nannies also say that lately he has had some rashes on his cheek and they think it is eczema. He eats and sleeps well. He tries to talk with everyone and babbles a lot. We saw him using both of his sides equally and he would grasp things in either hand. The volunteer doctor who was visiting the orphanage noticed that his eczema appears to be in front of his ears and behind his knees. His tummy pokes out on the right side of his chest where a rib should be. He can follow the doctor's penlight from side to side and up. He was able to bear weight on his legs. The volunteer doctor also noted that his heart and his lungs sound fine. We asked the orphanage to provide us with an x-ray of his chest along with his medical file.Danny SP.ZDJ.0910.32568.01 Contact Ckids@wacap.org

Adoption Options- NYC Conference

ADOPTION OPTIONS – NYC Conference– March 11, 2012

China?

Colombia?

Ethiopia?

What Countries are Accepting New Applications?

Is Domestic Adoption Best for My family?

Come separate fact from fiction at the Ametz Adoption Program/Jewish
Child Care Association's 18th annual Adoption and the Family Conference.

Leading experts outline:

The adoption process:

From the homestudy to how to talk to your child about adoption

How to choose the right adoption path:

Domestic or international adoption; working with an agency or attorney.

Medical concerns to be considered:

Common physical and developmental issues of adopted children

Conversations about adoption:

Learn how to become adoption educators and how to talk to your kids,
family, friends, and others about the process

And much more………see full program at www.jccany.org/ametzconference


Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA is a licensed agency in New York and New
Jersey. For over 28 years, Ametz has been helping singles and couples of
all religious and cultural backgrounds pursue domestic and
international, step and second parent adoptions. Ametz's services
include adoption homestudies, educational workshops and counseling.
Ametz also offers professional training regarding adoption. The annual
conference is the highlight of the year, when Ametz showcases its
programs, collaborations, and resources throughout the adoption
community.

To view the full program, presenter bios and registration information,
including fees, go to: www.jccany.org/ametzconference
, email us at Ametz@jccany.org
or call 212-558-9949. Scholarships available.
NASW CEUs available upon request

Kathy Brodsky, LCSW

Director, Ametz Adoption Program/JCCA
120 Wall Street - NYC - NY - 10005
212-558-9949
www.jccany.org
NY and NJ licensed agency
Full Hague Accreditation through 2013

Uh Cliffhanger!

As I have previously said I watch NBC's Parenthood faithfully.  I never miss an episode and I have anxiously watched the adoption storyline unfold for Julia and her family this season.

If you watch the show you know last night the birth mother Zoe gave birth and was last seen holding the baby in the nursery as Julia stalked off and broke down.

I hated the way the writers handled Julia's reaction.  It was so stereotypical.  Oh, birth mom changed her mind and the adoptive mother is angry and hurt.

We have been in that situation four times and each time it was handled differently.

With our first adoption we did not have contact with his birth mother and she did not see him until after she was released from the hospital and we had a commitment ceremony together at the agency.  The birth father was in and out of the nursery the entire time and interacted with us and our son.

With the second, I was in the delivery room and we were in his birth mother's room throughout her hospital stay.  She did not see him until the day she was discharged.  She asked me to go with her to see him.  She spoke to him but never held him in her arms.

Our failed placement, we were kept in a small nursing room on the maternity floor until midnight while the parents were with the baby.  A nurse brought the baby to us after her mother was discharged and we spent time with her in the room alone.  Afterward the baby was sent to stay with one of the agency's foster parents until the parents made their decision to not place.

Finally, our last adoption was all together different from any of the rest. We spent time with the baby and birth mother in her hospital room.  The birth parents spent a lot of time with the baby alone in their room and requested the baby either be with us or them at all times.  The birth mother wanted her to be with someone who loved her and not with "strangers" (the nurses) unless absolutely necessary.  The birth mother slept with the baby in her room and then requested a private room be set up for me and asked me to spend the last night in the hospital with the baby alone.

Although seeing the birth mother holding the baby is nerve wracking and you cannot help but be nervous, scared, and worried she may change her mind that is part of the process.  Our agency social workers have always said their focus is on the baby and the birth mother until the TPR (termination of parental rights) is signed.  Focus will not be on us (the adoptive parents) until the baby becomes ours.

Our agency social workers have also said letting a birth parent say goodbye is an important part of their healing.

The child does not become ours until the birth parent(s) sign the TPR.  The baby is their child and they have every right to spend as much time saying goodbye and bonding with them as they want and/or need.  I try to always remember they get a day or two...we get the next 18 years.

I wish the show would have scripted Julia to smile and show support of Zoe meeting her son and saying her goodbyes.  I wish they would not have scripted Julia to be so upset and to storm away hurt and angry.  In my opinion it was such a stereotypical portrayal of what many people believe adoption is:

1.  Birth mom has the baby
2.  Baby is ripped from her arms and turned over to the adoptive parents
3.  Birth mother is kicked to the curb.

The adoption process is very delicate, difficult, and emotional.  The process cannot be understood unless experienced firsthand.  We were never angry at our children's birth parent(s) for holding and loving on their child.  I cannot speak for my husband but I am thankful I am able to tell my children your parents loved on you all they could and it broke their hearts to tell you goodbye.  We spent time with your birth parents and interacted with them.  We know they loved you.

I would not want our stories to have been, she had you, we took you, we have never looked back.

Next week on the season finale, we will find out if Zoe really did change her mind or if Julia and Joel get the son they have longed for.  It is my belief the little boy will be adopted and the rest has been for dramatic affect.  We will have to wait and see.

**Note:  To each is own and the above post is purely based on my opinion and experiences.  I do not profess to be the knower of all things adoption and I understand each situation is different and I do not claim to have walked in anyone's shoes.  This is my disclaimer before I start receiving the hate mail about how we ruined our children and their birth parents.  Those emails always appear in my inbox after a post like this.  

Kids Pics

Some recent pictures of the kiddos...

Heading to AWANA

 Girls play trucks too.

 Ornery.

Showing sister how to drive properly.

The Picket Fence

I have had a few ask me where I get Avenn's adorable hair accessories.  I buy them from Cassie at The Picket Fence.  Check out her Facebook page!

**Note I do not get paid or receive anything for endorsing products on my blog.  If I get a freebie I use it as a giveaway.  I know the vendors and just like their products.  The Picket Fence is owned by someone I know, like very much and also really love her hair accessories for my little girl. FYI her bestie is also an adoptive momma and a good friend of mine too. If I like it...I share it!

Lotrimin Incident of 2012

It has taken me a while to draft this post.  Now that a month or so has passed I can finally write/talk about it without spewing obscenities but it's hard.

So, here goes...

As you know we decided to let Rogan attend a 2-3 year olds class this year a couple of half days a week because he begged and pleaded to attend.  If I am being honest a couple of half days would have been helpful for me as well.  I would be able to get things done that are difficult to accomplish with a three year old in tow.  He was so excited.  He got a new backpack and we took first day of school pictures with Rogan and his big brother.  Everyone was stoked.  It lasted two days, well two class days.

Rogan has had difficulty potty training.  Really it's more of a refusal to cooperate (gotta love age 3). Since his little sister arrived I have not pushed him to use the potty assuming he was reverting a little bit because a new baby entered our lives.  No worries, except he is very prone to yeast infections.  Yeast infections that are very difficult to clear up.  We have found the best treatments to be oatmeal baths and either Lotrimin/Monistat creams on his bottom.  These two creams clear up his infections faster than any diaper creams available.  My doctor suggested them and although expensive they work.

So, on his first day of school he went with a red spot on his bottom.  I knew he would require an application of the cream during attempted potty breaks/diaper changes.  I also knew asking a school to give any kind of medication is sort of a big deal.  I anticipated forms, permission requirements, etc.  Therefore, I planned ahead and phoned the school administrator and told her Rogan would require a cream.  No problem she said come by my office and sign a form on the first day of school.

The first day arrived and Brian and I walked Rogan into class.  We hugged our big boy and wished him good luck on his big day.  I mentioned to his teacher he need to use his Lotrimin cream and showed her the tube.  She said she couldn't apply the medicine.  I replied, no worries I spoke to the admin and I am stopping by her office to sign all the forms.  His new teacher didn't say a another word about it.

Rogan attended school that Wednesday and the following Monday.  His teacher reported he was doing great, he was even attempting the potty with his classmates.  She sent home some potty training pamphlets to "help" me with my failed attempts.  All seemed good, then Tuesday came.

Tuesday evening as we were rushing out the door to get Brice to riding lessons the phone rang.  We were waiting on background checks to be completed for Avenn's adoption so when I saw "State of Oklahoma" on the caller id I decided to go ahead and answer.  It was DFS but the lady was not calling to speak about our background checks.

Ms. DFS began to ask me questions about Rogan's school and the use of medications and/or creams on the children.  It took me a few questions to realize she was speaking specifically about our child.  At first I assumed, oh so wrongly, that she was simply calling because someone had complained about the school and they were investigating.  People complain about anything and everything all the time so I thought little of it.  Then I realized she was only speaking about our child.  Someone had complained about our child and his use of Lotrimin specifically.  Holy crap!  I couldn't believe this was happening.

I was able to determine (because of course complaints are anonymous) that his teacher (knew it was her because no one else was putting Lotrimin on our child) was not comfortable applying Lotrimin on Rogan because it's not a diaper cream.  Lotrimin is made for athlete's foot and jock itch.  After answering Ms. DFS' questions and becoming angrier by the minute I told her that her investigation was the craziest thing I had ever experienced.  She said the cream was not made for infants and it was being used inappropriately.  I told her my doctor suggested it during an office visit and it was the only thing that worked besides Monistat.  She asked if I had a prescription note from the doctor.  I said no it's OTC.  We argued back and forth about that for a while.  I also told her that I felt my child was going endure enough therapy simply by having me as his mother that I didn't need to add to his therapy bill by sending him to school with vaginal cream that a cream for jock's itch seemed more appropriate.  I also told her she was crazy that her investigation was pure lunacy and I was appalled, completely appalled.

The next day Rogan was due back in class.  He didn't go.  We were flipping out because we were afraid with our names now associated with a DFS investigation that our background checks would never be approved and Avenn's adoption would never be finalized.

After several phone calls with the school administrator to let her know the position her employee put our family in and to say Rogan would no longer be a student at her school unless her employee was no longer employed there.

Obviously, an employee cannot be fired for making a complaint to DFS but she definitely handled the situation totally wrong.  I mean totally and completely wrong.  Had she said she was uncomfortable applying the medicine I would have said, okay no problem.  I would have just taken care of it at home.  He only attended school for a few hours anyway.  It would have been no big deal really.  She also could have approached the admin and voiced her concerns, never happened.  She went straight to DFS.

The school administrator was disgusted by the whole incident and knew what a predicament we were now in and spoke to DFS and confirmed our names would not be affiliated with the file in any way, shape, or form.  Our background checks would not be affected.  We did finally receive approved background checks last week.  It took months to complete our background checks but the Lotrimin incident DFS was all over that investigation within hours.  Impressive.

So, that folks is why Rogan is no longer in school.  Never in my wildest dreams would I ever imagined someone would call DFS on us.  Never ever.  Technically, DFS was called about the school not us as parents but still we were involved and I can't believe it.  We go through a home study, pre and post placement visits, state background checks, FBI background checks, we have to prove we have insurance, steady paychecks and so much more to become parents and all it took was one phone call to send us into a tailspin.  We now refer to it as the "Lotrimin Incident of 2012".

Life goes on, we'll try preschool again next year when he's four and potty trained.

It's Not Easy

Finalizing an adoption in our county is not easy.  It is difficult, gut wrenching, stressful, frustrating and has caused me more anger than I believe I have ever experienced.  It shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't be a miserable experience...but it is.

We are now waist deep in our second Oklahoma finalization and it is pure misery.  I cannot sugar coat it.  Sorry.  Perhaps other parts of the state are more adoption friendly, I certainly hope so.

So far we have been asked to submit additional information not required by statute.  We have resubmitted background checks and today received a list of virtually everything already attached to the home study to be resubmitted yet again.  The court doesn't have the attachments.  Perhaps they walked away, I don't know.  At this point I am ready to hop in the car, deliver them personally, and staple the package to someone's forehead.

Uh, but instead we'll play the game.  We'll resubmit everything 5 or 10 times if necessary.  We'll jump through their hoops like a circus monkey because that is what has to be done to finalize.  We have no choice.  We are at the court's mercy.

You think you have faced your biggest obstacle when you overcome infertility and manage to build a family over the past decade via adoption.  You like to believe you are on the downhill side of the process then you are met with resistance and incompetence.

I am ready to get it all over with, I am ready to be done.

I had held off on writing a post on our frustrations.  I did not want to shine a light on the inadequacies of the court.  After all, my husband makes his living in that courthouse.  The legal system puts food on our table but I could not hold my frustrations in any longer.  I am ready to scream from the hilltops, "don't adopt from Oklahoma, do not try to finalize in the Oklahoma court system.  Run to Texas or any other neighboring state and adopt.  Run Forrest run!"

Oh boy I feel better.  Rant complete.  Climbing down from my soapbox now.